(This blog is basically like my diary now so why not)
Some of my favorite artists and songs right now. I guess it's a cohesive genre, just happy and chill. Enjoy! :)
Rex Orange County
"Pretty" is so subjective. When people tell me I'm pretty I always think why? What makes a person appealing? I don't know how much of it is about symmetry because my face definitely isn't symmetrical. I may be considered beautiful and someone who looks entirely different may also. What makes someone attractive. A feature, their face as a whole? Why are some appealing and others not? Don't give me "everyone sees beauty differently" because that's only true to an extent. A person can be considered ugly or beautiful by a majority. What makes someone think one way or the other? What are the standards?
I have a list in my notes titled "good things :)" and whenever I feel good or something that makes me happy occurs, I note it in there. It's me trying to be more positive and grateful. I have a lot happening in my life right now, and I don't feel super great and content but every little light in my life matters.
Okay, just me or was October not spooky at all and lasted 8 years? Not a fun time, but thats okay. I don't think Halloween has ever been my favorite season. There weren't even a lot of trick-or-treaters. What makes Halloween so special?
As I get older I'm becoming more and more like my mom, but in good ways. She does comforting motherly things and now I do them all the time. I think it's nice. I still have an even spread of my mom and dad with me but I feel like it's very true that you grow into your parents mold when you grow older.
It’s all very strangely beautiful, the way humans are. I’m not sure I even know how to put it into words. It’s just, we all have stories, have intimate connections or even connections of little depth like someone you smile at in the halls or hug every day or have inside jokes with. Our lives are so unimportant and irrelevant to the whole world but, i think, so so precious. You can make people feel differently. you can make people’s LIVES better. You can do anything you want as a matter of fact. Write, play music, sing, make art, be an actor or a model, be a contortionist or a dancer. Nearly every person is truly capable. I was talking to this man who was doing my henna and we were talking about his life and what instruments he played and he said “Well I play the guitar, not well, but I would always say 'I’m trying to learn the guitar' but I’ve decided to stop saying that I’m trying and just learn, so now I carry it everywhere I go and play when I can” and just, you can DO that. It’s such bs when people claim they can’t do certain things because really, that usually just means you’ve given up. Maybe that man will never play the guitar that well. Maybe he won't put in enough dedication or have enough motivation to carry through with it. But dude he's doing it and he wants to and it brings him joy. There’s so much to do in this world that I can’t imagine someone being so stagnant and never trying to learn any skills. There’s too much to learn. There will always be more.
I wrote this while in Thailand. It was monsooning. Pretty self explanatory.
It pours and pours and pours
Like the sky is sad
Rain makes rivers out of roads
and creeks out of footpaths
- June 21 2018
I think about how the world is stupid and uninteresting all the time. That’s why I love fantasy books so much because its a whole other world and everything is interesting and done for a reason and for a purpose. Humans now rarely do anything for a reason. We just go to school but not to learn just to get As all so we can go into debt to go to a great college and apply to stupid jobs that never gave a crap about where your college degree came from anyways and work for the rest of your life to provide for your family and never do anything important.
I HATE it.
It makes me sick and frustrated and hopeless.
But until I figure out what I want to do, what makes me happy and fulfilled, I need a backup plan. And school is my backup plan.